Is it better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission?

In the past 3 weeks this saying has been popping up everywhere, and it has started to get under my skin. Who came up with this nonsense of an expression? I am obviously looking at it in context to relationships and am puzzled how this type of behavior could become accepted to such an extent that it is being made somewhat of a joke, which of course takes away the seriousness of it and we see it slowly become socially acceptable.

Now, I must admit that the times I have heard it of late have been in regards to material items and scenarios that are not quite as severe as some. But what sort of example are we setting when it comes to how we want to be treated? Are we setting an acceptable behavior for this to filter into other aspects of our lives? Being that it is has become somewhat socially acceptable, what would deter one from testing the waters in other ponds and assuming it is but the same thing?

I find that it compares to the saying “What they don’t know won’t hurt them”. This saying spread like wildfire and as much as we like to think that it hasn’t become socially accepted, it has to a great deal. Even just the simplicity of our subconscious mind being aware of the excuse is in a lot of cases enough for it to play part in one’s decision making.

So, is it better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission? Are we educating the people in our lives that apologies go a long way in the aim of maintaining social cohesion? What constitutes a genuine apology?

My interpretation of an apology is that of when someone is sorry for something they did unintentionally… in that the result of their actions did not have purpose of negatively affecting that person. When you purposefully act in a way that hurts or upsets another, is the apology valid? What are they actually sorry for? Are they sorry for their decision to go ahead and act unlawfully, or for the act itself?

So, it begs the question - “where do we draw the line?”

If for example, you use this saying for purposely buying a different flavor chips at the supermarket than your partner requested – you may be presented with a small tiff and eventually be able to laugh it off. But, what message does it send? The lines become more and more blurry…

In life we educate people on how we want to be treated. What is acceptable behavior and what is not. How we want to be respected, how we want to be loved, how we want to be heard… are we un-educating people by playing along with a such a saying, even if it is a laugh off the cuff?

Samantha K

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Can a rebound relationship ever turn into a long-term relationship? Does it ever really work out?

We never enter into a relationship hoping it to fail, hoping that we will waste our time with someone all to lead up to it not working out and breaking up. Break-ups can be really tough and we tend to spend a great deal of time looking back at what happened… how did it get to this. We find ourselves asking questions like “Was it something I did? Is there something wrong with me?” And even at the same time we can be asking, “How can I ever trust the opposite sex again? Are they all the same?”

Break ups and relationship break drowns can cause us to look at the world differently, do things we would never imagine we would do and even tap into some nasty little capabilities that we didn’t know existed within us. Some people take the actions of one person out on the rest of the world. Some people go to drastic measures to get their partner back. And some even go to such extents as to act with spite, jealously and cruel intentions. So, what is the best way to deal with a break up? Do we need to reset our three neural networks, being our brain, heart and stomach, in order to get back on track? Looking at the actions, thoughts and feelings that people encounter during a break up, it looks like it is absolutely necessary.

So, what is the real reason behind why people will seek and enter into a ‘rebound’ relationship? Is a rebound relationship simply filling the gap of the person who has gone? Is a rebound relationship doing the job of taking your mind off your ex? Subconsciously, your brain will actually understand what you are doing. Think of it like this; you know when you fall over and hurt your knee or smack your funny bone (which is never a funny experience) into the wall and the first thing you immediately do is to rub it? What you are actually doing is disturbing and interrupting the nerve endings and confusing the pain that you feel in that area, coincidently you are also reducing your heart rate. So as it seems, a rebound relationship is rubbing the knee… ?

They say that you cannot be happy and love another until you are happy and love yourself. Unless you are capable of moving into a new relationship shortly after a break up, you will simply be enjoying that feeling of rubbing your knee!

How long can you rub your knee for keeping it feeling good, natural and sustainable?

Samantha K

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The wonderful world of weddings!

Saturday was Nedim and Anita’s special day, and Emir and I felt very honored to be a part of it and that they wished to share it with us. We were both really looking forward to the wedding and being in a room so filled with love and well wishes to the newly married couple – especially ME! The night before, I could not sleep til after midnight last night, and was up in the morning at 6:15am with my mind full of exciting thoughts. Being pregnant, I had to fight to keep up the excitement… Nevertheless, it was all but a distant memory the moment I stepped into the venue (the love zone).

I remember being asked in an interview “Why get married? Why have a wedding?” At the time, I was pleased with the question posed at me, however to my surprise, I did not feel a defensive answer boil to the brim. I simply answered that it was a wonderful excuse to bring all of the people we loved together in one place and provide Emir and I with the opportunity to celebrate our love both formally, and with a blast of fun. Being a traditional girl, it was to my wonder that I did not explain that it was the ‘right thing to do’ or that it was the way in which I chose to honor our traditions. Reminiscing on my answer and realizing how blissfully unaware I was of the loaded question, I stand proud and stick by my response. However, upon further thought and utilizing mBit to connect to my thoughts and feelings… my answer today would be so much more!

So, why marriage? Why a wedding? Is it overrated? Is it just a piece of expensive paper? What does it all mean?

My answer would now be – It means nothing…………… and everything!

At the end of the day, who is to judge you on how you choose to celebrate your love, in fact, how you choose to live your life at all? I know many people who choose not to get married and are amazing loving happy couples, and I know people who felt pressured into getting married, for it to only end in divorce. For me, marriage is wonderful and not simply a piece of paper that entitles me to my husbands last name. I stand by our vows and I believe in the constitution of marriage and all the it encompasses… but that is just me.

People asked me if things changed after I got married, and I found that question to be a rabbit hole filled with speed bumps, road blocks and all that creates problems in a marriage. Simply, things did not change. Unless you allow things to change, and go into the marriage with the expectation of things changing… why should they? I still want to make my husband feel as wanted and desired as I did when we first started going out. I still want my husband to desire me just as much also. I keep myself up not only for my own well being, but just as if I was single and wanting to impress and gain the attention of a potential suitor, I do so also for my husband (if not more). It often baffles me when I see people let themselves go in a relationship, as they forget how amazing it was at the beginning – yet, if they were to become single again, they would go ahead and put a huge amount of effort into attracting another… realistically, a totally stranger! So, it’s ok to do it when single for a someone you don’t even know, but can be too much effort to do the same to attract your partner, the person you love and cherish?

Samantha K

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Are men BETTER with handling rejection than women?

Rejection is a part of our life in so many ways from being rejected at a restaurant where there is no availability, rejection from a job that we may have not been suited to, rejection from entering a venue wearing the wrong attire, but the most sensitive and potentially damaging is the rejection we receive in dating and meeting new people. 

It goes without saying that society dictates that men are most subjected to rejection and it just the way it is when it comes to dating and meeting new people. I understand that this gender role has been passed down many a generations, but with such an evolution in the dating world and the new-age roles of men and women, should it still rest upon the man to be responsible for taking the risk of rejection? Will there ever come a day that women hold the majority sector of taking those risks and approaching men? Which sex actually handles rejection better?

When you think about it, it is not such a bad idea for women to take the reins and start approaching men. Really... if they went after what they wanted, they would have less chance of rejection and more of a chance at creating a relationship. How often do you see a women approach a man for a discussion and he rejects her? Not to say that it doesn't happen, more so of a generalisation. Is it that we as women hold an assumption (whether it be true or false) of the man should he want to engage in conversation with us? If you actually stop and think about the affect rejection has on a persons confidence and self-esteem, it can be quite severe and a major deterrent. Has dealing with rejection resulted in the evolution of men to become more ruthless and upfront, so as to not allow it to affect their self perception? In contrast, how well would women compare to handling rejection?

It was a topic of discussion only the other day, when a male was explaining to me that he didn't want to rush into sleeping with a female that he liked, because of a few lifestyle hurdles, he knew that the relationship could never eventuate. He explained how much she took it to heart and how it affected her self-esteem and confidence, no matter how much he tried to avoid it and assure her that it was purely out of respect for her and that he found her very attractive. 

Just the same as when a woman puts herself out there, only to have discovered the man is seeing someone else. No matter how much he would have liked to engage with her on that level, out of respect for the other woman, he did not. This has proven to be very hard for a lot of women and can deter them more so than a man in putting themselves out there, which is not a good thing. Maybe it is that women should do it more often, that learning more about rejection and how to handle it with class and practicality will help them in finding a wonderful man, and also to understand how it feels to be in the mans shoes and how much it takes for them to approach women... It is sure to create a rippling effect of a smoother process and more of a considerate technique. 

Just stop for a moment and ask yourself:

Who or what is stopping you from achieving that fulfilling relationship you strongly desire? 

What have you done to get that relationship that you want... besides waiting for it? 

What is the worst thing that can happen if you put yourself out there and aim to achieve it? 

Realistically... will you be ok? Will you have lost something severely significant to your life that you cannot go on? 

What do you really have to lose... and what do you potentially have to gain?

When we are out of our comfort zone is when we grow!

Samantha K
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