The good friend? When life changes, who is there by your side?

The last few months have been a mix of everything! From being ecstatic about our pregnancy and bringing a new life into the world, to being downright sick and unable to do almost anything. Having an operation in my core seemed like a terrible thing at the time, until I learnt that the success of the operation was what help gift me to my first child. Just like the good ol’ saying “Blessing in disguise”. Although it has contributed to me being a little extra sick at the beginning of my pregnancy, I am so grateful for it!

That is life. They say expect the unexpected. Life changes everyday. It is not in itself the life changes that are important… it is how you respond to them. One interesting thing that I have learnt, that I admit I had heard of this experience with others before, is the people who quietly disappear in your life… and those amazing wonderful people who pop up and surprise you. I am the first to say that a friendship goes both ways, and both parties must exert an effort. I think it more surprises me that others find it hard, or can not at all, put themselves in your shoes in such instances or when facing difficult problems. A good friend cannot fix your problems, but they can promise that you won’t face them alone.

So, is it enough ground to base my assumptions of their disappearance, or their sheer lack of effort? Through my pregnancy, do I have disposable nappies and disposable friends to look forward to? Am I not the same person as I was before?

The fact that I don’t drink, smoke or party like others cannot be the reason for it, as those are the few things I have no problem giving up being that besides an occasional wine with dinner, were non-existent. Am I the frightening reality of growing up? Am I being unreasonable, or expecting too much?

And then there are these wonderful little angels who blissfully surprise you with kindness. From the simplicity of a card drenched with a meaningful message, to just picking up the phone to chat voice-to-voice, to an amazing gift of a heartfelt hug jumping up and down with tears. Now, they are gifts that are priceless and I value the dearest.

There will always be the good friends who you don’t always see, but you know they are always there. Whenever you see them, it was as if you saw them yesterday. Whenever you talk to them, they are always so happy to talk to you and it’s always the same. The friends that if you ever need anything, you know that they will be there to help. So, it makes me wonder… is it merely consistency that creates the truly good friendships? Is it when consistency is absent that we have frustration, confusion and friendship break downs. Think about it – you know that person that you see, but you are never sure whether or not they will say hello – that is inconsistency and which I actually consider rude. One day they say hello and are very nice, and the next they walk past you and pretend they don’t see you… until the next time where they have no option but to talk and be nice again. I find them people to be fake, and much more effort than they are worth.

Therefore, I believe a good friendship is one that consists of love, respect and consistency. The word itself is not inspiring, nor does it really pack a punch, but the meaning behind it is what counts… it’s the reason why it is consistent that matters.

I have been lucky enough to marry my best friend and also become my own. 

Samantha K

xx