Gender roles in the 21st Century

The gender roles have forever regulated and influenced our love lives, with a different set of rules and guidelines, for both men and women. Nowadays, these traditional roles have vastly shifted, and began to evolve to mirror the perception of gender in the modern era. It has now become a guessing game for men to know what is polite, let alone acceptable behavior, when dating women.

As we move toward a gender-equal society, and men and women are operating on a similar level, it becomes harder to implement romance and have a clear understanding of one another's boundaries and expectations. The old gender roles we lived by are diminishing, as much as research shows that traditional gender roles prevail.

Upon surveying numerous women, a very mixed response arose from topics such as a man paying for dinner, a man ordering on a woman's behalf, etc. For example, some women expect the man to pay for dinner, other women are insulted if the man wants to pay, whilst others even become offended if the man does not offer.
Now for a man, this can be a very simple thing. To pay or not to pay? Whatever will keep her happy, they generally make the assumption and are happy to pay, was the overwhelming response to the same topic with men.
A simple gesture that has been performed throughout the ages, which was purely black and white, has now become a faded grey. This is an unnecessary question mark in a mans world of dating, that has caused a number of men to become off put with the art of dating to avoid walking on eggshells and potentially upsetting a women for a reason they feel is not valid.

Upon surveying numerous women, a very mixed response arose from topics such as a man paying for dinner, a man ordering on a woman's behalf, etc. For example, some women expect the man to pay for dinner, other women are insulted if the man wants to pay, whilst others even become offended if the man does not offer.
Now for a man, this can be a very simple thing. To pay or not to pay? Whatever will keep her happy, they generally make the assumption and are happy to pay, was the overwhelming response to the same topic with men.
A simple gesture that has been performed throughout the ages, which was purely black and white, has now become a faded grey. This is an unnecessary question mark in a mans world of dating, that has caused a number of men to become off put with the art of dating to avoid walking on eggshells and potentially upsetting a women for a reason they feel is not valid.

It is becoming harder and harder for men to know how they are to act and how to treat women accordingly. A mans intention can be so pure and genuine, yet he can attract a negative response if his ideas do not aline with his dates.

It is also becoming more difficult for women to truly know what they want or how they should think and behave with increased emphasis on female dominance and independence. The pressure to act as expected, or with the mindset of impressing other strong women rather than men they are interested in, can overwhelm and imbalance their opinions of gender roles in relationships.

Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude toward us.

Samantha K

extract from eBook

Love Thyself!

Today I read a blog that was purely a compilation of pictures with descriptions underneath. It was simple, cartooned and brought such a smile to my face and a spring in my step, so I decided to sit down and write a little about that butterfly feeling of happiness.

The old adage saying of “You can’t truly love another until you truly love yourself” is very clichéd, but is actually quite true. Even the mere acceptance of ourselves is crucial for us to possess in order to get closer to another, and allow them to accept us, and ultimately love us.
Yes, we all have doubts in ourselves and want to mask our shortcomings, but do they define who we are? Do we place more attention on them than needed? Do they outweigh our successes and good qualities we have? It is very easy to dwell on the negatives, but is not something we enjoy. Why do we veer away from dwelling on the positives, something we can enjoy? It’s not as if anyone is going to think we are full of ourselves and self-obsessed (which we can imagine others may think of us) as it is in the privacy of our own thoughts.
As much as this is a glass half full piece, it is more for the intention of shifting mindset slightly outside the box.

What we are is what we believe, what we believe is who we are.

We would like to believe that there is the perfect person out there, and they are exactly whom we want to be. Here comes the bad news… No one is perfect; all humans have their own faults and flaws. It is the people who have identified their weaknesses, accepted them, forgave themselves and have worked on improving them (if possible), who we tend to perceive as perfect. It is the people who have discovered their strengths, are proud of them, and allowed them to blossom that we tend to see as an unreachable persona.

It is only human nature that we tend to compare ourselves with others. It is detrimental to ourselves, but we give ourselves a subconscious permission. When a third party compares us with someone else, we tend to take two steps back and begin thinking for others in a negative light as well as focusing on our own shortcomings. Yes, she may have nicer legs than you, but you have amazing eyes and a great sense of humour. Yes, he may have an expensive watch, but you have a beautiful smile and a successful career. True inner happiness will come from focusing on the right things, and what is good about you. If you had the amazing legs or expensive watch, would you want people to be happy for you? Be happy for them, knowing it’s something you would want and want people to be happy for you also. It then should not surprise you when they in turn, desire for a quality you possess.

You can tell yourself one hundred times a day how great you are… but the reality is that this will only convince your brain short-term. You need to follow it through and find out why you are so great and believe it. Once you have self-creditability, you enlist trust in your affirmations and the effectiveness will be outstanding. When you are feeling good and your self-esteem is at a high… stop! Stop and look around. Stop and think why you are feeling that way. Discover what actions, emotions, gestures, things… it could be anything that you can associate with the feeling. If you can identify and charge whatever that may be that helps increase your confidence, esteem or your mood in general, you pass the gates into being self-aware and have the ability to focus on what makes you happy. Be honest, accept it and remember you are helping yourself along with everyone who loves you.

Love does not make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Be brave and let go of the past and fight for the present you deserve. A better future is always yours for the taking!

Samantha K

Does everything change after a wedding?

Once you are married, everything changes. This is the general view on modern marriage. It is not entirely false, but is definitely not accurately true. To put it simply, if you enter into a marriage thinking things will change and expecting things will change... Be sure it will happen. Your life and your marriage is in your hands, and you are responsible. If once married, things unfavourably change; it is because you allowed them to change.

Getting married for the right reasons is first and foremost the most important factor in preventing a big change after a wedding. When a man is at the stage in his life that he feels it is time to get married and he loves his significant other unconditionally, he should also be at the stage in his life where he can share anything with her as they are on a high level of trust and respect. Therefore, having a civilized, grown up and respectful conversation shall squash any potential change, shift or alteration that may begin to arise with their partner.

The view is normally taken from the male perspective that fearfully the woman will let herself go, become more controlling and all of the other characteristics they masked until being able to unleash them once secure. A ring on the finger is not always the be all and end all to the life you previously knew. If a the male opens the door for the woman that he is expecting this and believes it is inevitable to happen, she will quite easily slip into the role expected of her.

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.

A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he
marries.

Samantha K

extract from eBook draft

What's your deal breaker?

There are more reasons than we could possibly fathom as to why relationships come to an end. Some more interesting than others...

A common debate arrives from the question – “would you take back your partner if they cheated?” For most, this is a deal breaker and terminates the relationship almost immediately. But for some, this is not the case and the act of adultery is not seen as a reason to distinguish the relationship, but a hurdle.

This question being hypothetical, people find it can be simple to answer. However, what if we changed the word "would" to "could"? This question still being hypothetical has the potential to dig a little deeper and bring you face to face with the fear of infidelity. You are now faced with a question that has you in the mindset that you would, and ignites an emotion that will give you more of a true and honest answer of the initial question.

If yes, it will very seldom be a straightforward yes. The response may lead to a yes, but every yes is based on circumstances. Generally, when leading to a yes, the circumstances determine what is the deal breaker.

They say love is blind. Are we to be blind to our partners’ flaws? Infidelity is a flaw, are we still blind? If infidelity is present, is this love?

They say love makes us blind. What are we so afraid to see? The common phrase of "I'd rather know now, than find out later" indicates that we do not want to be blind, we want truth and we want to see our relationships clearly.

When it comes to love, there seems to be so much to gain, yet so much to lose. Though need not be afraid to partake, as the heart will grow. Be it with love or lessons learnt. But can we as human beings master the art of love and heartache simultaneously? Is there such thing as a love strong enough to withstand an affair? It begs the question that if the love is that strong, why did it happen at all?
We can assume that if a person can accept and move past an affair, that love exists, but the strength of that love may be only one way. If made to be acceptable the first time, what is to prevent it from happening again?

Let pain make you stronger, tears make you braver, heartbreak make you wiser and thank the past for a better future.

The danger of judgement and assumption

One can only be judged by ones self and God. It is an unfavourable character trait to walk through life passing judgment, in all respects. Your judgment reveals nothing about the person in question, but reveals a great deal about you.

The same rules apply when it comes to dating and meeting new people. The most effective way to learn about someone new is to greet, listen and converse with limited judgment or assumption, to the best of your ability. As human being we are programmed to make judgment as it serves as a defense mechanism in order to protect ourselves from bad choices. Being alert and aware will never go astray, but some fine tuning with the way in which we rely so heavily on judgments can be life changing.

Judgment must not be confused with intuition or preference. It does not go without saying that the gut feelings are generally right. The same goes with similarities. If you meet a person who closely reminds you of someone you already know, this can be a make or break issue. If negative or hurtful thoughts are associated with this person, it can be very hard to overcome and you need to be serious and honest with yourself whether or not the feelings can be overruled. As much as this is a form of judgment and the new person you meet has no power or control over this, it is important to be fair to both you and them if you cannot look past the reminder of a person, emotion or thought pattern.

It takes a great deal of character to judge a person by their future, rather than their past.

Love me or hate me, I am still amazing! So adore me or ignore me.

Walk like a duck, Quack like a duck, you are ... a duck!

When does a relationship pass the gates into the garden of monogamy? Is it based upon ones actions, or is it the golden rule of sex after monogamy? The lines have become grey and the drama of understanding behavior in early stages of relationships are causing us to avoid them.

All women seek confirmation from the opposite sex that a valid relationship exists, but it is not always necessary. A woman can make those assumptions based on his actions, just as she would expect him to do with her.

If you act like you are in a relationship, talk like you are in a relationship, you are ... in a relationship.

It is important to be aware of this, as this is where the arguments and unnecessary fights stem from.

It is often we hear men confused about a woman's needy and irrational behavior when a legitimate relationship has not been verbally verified. This is why.
It is often we hear women complain about the disconnected behavior of a male companion in the early stages of lust. This is why.

SamanthaK

extract from eBook draft

Chivalry - Part 1 of MANY

Chivalry: the standards of behavior for knights in the middle ages. The code of chivalry emphasized bravery, military skill, generosity in victory, piety, and courtesy to women.

It is heard today by many women that "Chivalry is dead!", yet when we compare the century this phrase was created to now, a lot has changed! In those days, there was no confusion on who was the man and the woman in the relationship. There was a set of unwritten rules embedded within us that went without question and which was carried through a multitude of generations. In this modern era, these rules have been questioned, protested, challenged and almost banished.

It goes without saying that as most living things we evolve, but do we disregard all that we have come from entirely? Having lived this way for so long, was it all based on values we can't bring forward to the modern era?

It is an amazing contrast that being a gentlemen and courteous to a woman used to be the measure of the mans masculinity and appeal, whilst it is now almost seen as "nice guys finish last" and the concept has been swept under the rug. Both men and women are responsible for this change in mindset and lifestyle.

SamanthaK

extract from eBook draft

First impressions and the importance of your introduction

The art of a truly successful introduction does not always come naturally and can take some time and soul searching to master. To have the ability to meet a person and walk away leaving you embedded in their thoughts can be beneficial to ones life in more ways than one.

First impressions are like a resume. They are just as important to get your foot in the door to be given the opportunity for an interview, so as they can get to know you and you can impress. You may be an amazing person, with a lot to offer who holds an impressive skill set, but without that effective introduction you deny yourself the opportunity to show it.

The key is to have an impact on your audience fueled with confidence (not ignorance), respect for yourself and a friendly nature. Possessing a point of difference in your introduction will spark an interest within your audience that will gain you the additional attention, which is a welcomed bonus! Eye contact and facial expression also come hand in hand.

SamanthaK

extract from eBook draft

FIRST POST

Hello and thank you for visiting my blog!

This is my first time blogging and it may take me a few goes to get the hang of it.

I have set up this blog as an outlet to my eBooks and an insight to my business of coaching/mentoring and matchmaking.

I write about love, sex, relationships and all things in between. My columns deal with everyday real life situations which people encounter, and gives an honest and relatable insight into how to deal with them.

The aim of my services is to help you unleash your inner romance and discover the love you deserve.

I hope you enjoy my blog and welcome any comments or questions throughout.

SamanthaK