The good friend? When life changes, who is there by your side?

The last few months have been a mix of everything! From being ecstatic about our pregnancy and bringing a new life into the world, to being downright sick and unable to do almost anything. Having an operation in my core seemed like a terrible thing at the time, until I learnt that the success of the operation was what help gift me to my first child. Just like the good ol’ saying “Blessing in disguise”. Although it has contributed to me being a little extra sick at the beginning of my pregnancy, I am so grateful for it!

That is life. They say expect the unexpected. Life changes everyday. It is not in itself the life changes that are important… it is how you respond to them. One interesting thing that I have learnt, that I admit I had heard of this experience with others before, is the people who quietly disappear in your life… and those amazing wonderful people who pop up and surprise you. I am the first to say that a friendship goes both ways, and both parties must exert an effort. I think it more surprises me that others find it hard, or can not at all, put themselves in your shoes in such instances or when facing difficult problems. A good friend cannot fix your problems, but they can promise that you won’t face them alone.

So, is it enough ground to base my assumptions of their disappearance, or their sheer lack of effort? Through my pregnancy, do I have disposable nappies and disposable friends to look forward to? Am I not the same person as I was before?

The fact that I don’t drink, smoke or party like others cannot be the reason for it, as those are the few things I have no problem giving up being that besides an occasional wine with dinner, were non-existent. Am I the frightening reality of growing up? Am I being unreasonable, or expecting too much?

And then there are these wonderful little angels who blissfully surprise you with kindness. From the simplicity of a card drenched with a meaningful message, to just picking up the phone to chat voice-to-voice, to an amazing gift of a heartfelt hug jumping up and down with tears. Now, they are gifts that are priceless and I value the dearest.

There will always be the good friends who you don’t always see, but you know they are always there. Whenever you see them, it was as if you saw them yesterday. Whenever you talk to them, they are always so happy to talk to you and it’s always the same. The friends that if you ever need anything, you know that they will be there to help. So, it makes me wonder… is it merely consistency that creates the truly good friendships? Is it when consistency is absent that we have frustration, confusion and friendship break downs. Think about it – you know that person that you see, but you are never sure whether or not they will say hello – that is inconsistency and which I actually consider rude. One day they say hello and are very nice, and the next they walk past you and pretend they don’t see you… until the next time where they have no option but to talk and be nice again. I find them people to be fake, and much more effort than they are worth.

Therefore, I believe a good friendship is one that consists of love, respect and consistency. The word itself is not inspiring, nor does it really pack a punch, but the meaning behind it is what counts… it’s the reason why it is consistent that matters.

I have been lucky enough to marry my best friend and also become my own. 

Samantha K

xx

Dating in the dark – If the whole world was blind, how many people would you impress?

In a world where appearance is everything and we thrive off sexual and physical attraction, does there come a point where we too heavily discount what else might be truly important? We hear people say so often that “It’s what is on the inside that counts”. But, how often to we get that opportunity to discover it? How often are people denied the opportunity to shine as a result of the judgments and assumptions passed on them?

Think about a man or woman covered in tattoos, or a Muslim woman covered from head to toe for her religion - How many times in their life would you guess that they have been incorrectly judged or put into a stereotypical category society creates?

There have been some unlikely changes in perception as a result of people like the late Steve Jobs, whom in school was bullied and picked on for being a nerd and weird. It has generated a new form of sayings that I imagine many of us will hope to have a positive impact on our judgments, for example, “Be nice to the nerd at school, as they will one day be your boss.”

Imagine for just a minute, online dating with no profile pictures or physical description… it is seems a little far-fetched. A friend of mine has created an online dating website that has somewhat of an interesting twist and that I believe still holds the excitement of cyber world attraction whilst getting to know someone without initial attraction (http://7pmanywhere.com).

I am a firm believer of the importance of physical attraction to create a lasting a sustainable relationship. However, I am also a firm believer that one must get to know another more than by a glance to discover that physical attraction and that there is more involved.

It begs me to ask the question, where does attraction really stem from? As I think back to popular boys and girls in school, the men and women in social groups who attract a lot of attention and even some reality TV series characters, I can’t help but notice the front runners are not always the best looking on ground. So, what makes them so attractive? Is it charisma? Is it attitude and personality? Is it their aura and that little something about them that draws you to them?

We are able to see this because we have allowed them the opportunity and have gotten to know them for who they are.

What are you attracted to? What makes someone attractive in your eyes? If you came across a physically beautiful person, who possessed immense low self-esteem and insecurity – how long would you find them attractive? The same goes with that really good-looking person who is arrogant beyond their right – how long would you find them attractive?

Samantha K

xx

When is someone on your level... ?

I know I have spoken previously about judgements and assumptions, but after stumbling across an episode of Sex & The City where Steve was wanting to break up with Miranda because he thought she deserved someone more on her 'level' (because her financial situation exceeded his), really caught my attention. What are the levels? Where are the guidelines to the dating hierarchy?

"Is he on your level?" "Is she out of your league?" We hear this type of chat in dating and meeting people all the time. Is it there no question that it is shallow and judgemental? Could it be possible that some people might simply be too be frank with their compatibility? Or could it even be how some people purely relate to others?

We say opposites attract, but it only ever stops there. It doesn't say anywhere that it will work out or even anything about being able to create a relationship with that opposite person. Does this type attraction for a person override our ability to see the relationship for exactly what it is and foresee what will become of it? It is common to get caught up in the moments of life, especially when you are blinded by a sexual and physical attraction. However, do they only ever stand alone, or can you truly form a relationship that stems from attraction, when all the other signs say it won't, or can't work?

As humans, we are constantly looking for others whom we can relate to. We walk this Earth searching for people who share common interests, have similar personality traits, or even remind us of someone or something we like - it is how we form relationships. So, is the thrill of the difference why we say opposites attract? Or is it that they are not opposites at all, but are merely on a different level, for example, social status, life stage,  culture or even appearance? 

When I hear people talk in such a language to say "They are not on my level" or "They are out of their league", my first honest reaction is a grunt of judgement and disappointment. But, how am I doing anything different to them? I am judging and assuming that their statements are made on a material basis. Regardless whether or not it is, there are some instances where the situation may merit such a response (although I might think it could always be said in a different way). Could it be that these people are being honest and are predicting an unfold based on relevant information, and attempting to prevent an inevitable and undesirable situation? As much as it may or may not be their place, we shouldn't assume their intentions, nor their preferences.

When it comes to looks, wealth, education or social status, it can be a harsh and mostly offensive type of stereotypical single-mindedness that can cause someone a great deal of hurt, but mostly when it is coming from a demeaning view. I know of some girls who flourish in the fact that some guys feel as though they are not good-looking enough for them! But, what about when it comes from an ethical and moral comparison? For someone to not be on your level when it comes to matters of the heart and beliefs, does that make a difference?

I believe that if we diminished the hierarchy of levels when comparing ourselves to others, but instead to reference and utilize relatability and compatibility measures, there would be a greater chance to maintain social cohesion and reduce putting down people for something they may not control.

Samantha K

xx

I'm PREGNANT and expecting in June 2013! The Importance of Family.

Big news on the home front - We are expecting our first child! I have a little baby bump and can no longer hide it under my clothes (no matter how much I think I have become the Master of Disguise).

We have been overwhelmed with the wonderful support and well wishes from all of our family and friends and cannot wait to bring a child into this wonderful world to share it with all of these beautiful people in our life! The response really got me thinking about the importance of family and how the changes in life affect the dynamic and the part family plays.

They say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. Well, at face value, this is true. But the choice you have when it comes to family, is whether or not they are existent in your life - which I believe is more important! They say friends come and go, but family is forever. At face value, this is also true, but it is all about perspective. Being that family is forever is no indication of the value they place in your life over your friendships. So, why do we embed these sayings as if they were based on inevitability? Are there friendships that threaten the place the family holds?

There are no two families that are the same, and they are all beautifully (and purposefully) unique in their own special way, but I strongly believe that you do have a choice and that choice is your responsibility. Should you wish to have your family in your life and play a major role, regardless of their choice to do so or not, it is your responsibility to ensure the possibility and the desire. 

We have all experienced family issues and disputes, it is a part of life and generally a necessity to grow and develop. I have also seen it go too far, where domestic violence and trauma is unacceptable and the choice of family interaction and involvement is ever so apparent!

Psychologists believe that children learn the very most from their family life, which is a great perspective to have when you consider what positive influence you can have on your child's life. I believe each child is born into the world with their own luck, but it is the responsibility of the parents to guide them in the right direction with sound morals and respect. 

Significant life changes are sure to change not only your life, but the family's life. I know how much it will change my sisters and brothers-in-law lives in such an extraordinary way. The way in which they have taken on their almost premature role of Aunties and Uncles have been astonishing and have really touched my heart. Little might they realise how this will change their lives, both directly and indirectly. One thing I love about children is how we want to be better people when we are around them - what a great thing that is! My parents and mother-in-law will undoubtably anticipate the change, but being the first child in the family, maybe... just maybe, they might be surprised with its effect upon holding their brand new grandchild and welcoming him/her into the family. It is really important that people support and nurture the changes in their families life (even if the biggest change is coming from you!) and be considerate at the rippling effect.

I choose to spend my life showing those I love that they will always have their family in me, no matter what.

Lots of LOVE,

Samantha K
xx

Can you find your perfect relationship on your lunch break?

Southbank Walk. Lunchtime. 

This is like the watering hole for people to walk (or run), eat and perve on their lunch hour! Whether it be stealing a table at one of the hot restaurants right out the front in full view, or the work click that are “stretching their legs” whilst they gossip and check people out. It is great to sit here on the bench and watch.

I wondered… do they ever act upon their attraction? What would happen if two people interacted mid-perve? Would it be sleazy and inappropriate? Would it be too direct and forward? Now, change the scene. What if it happened in a nightclub or a bar? Would that make a difference? Is it that in a nightclub or bar, our intentions appear clearer or almost expected?

I hear people complain all the time about not meeting the right people and the people that they are meeting in the bars and clubs are not suitable relationship material. So, are we to blame for blocking the suitable people, being that the most acceptable place to be approached is in the bars and clubs? Are we preventing our potential relationships?

As I sit, watching and calibrating body language, behavior and the type of energy people are giving out, I do notice a very unintentional, closed and unapproachable feeling. Everyone seems to have something to do and somewhere to go. Being that it is a beautiful day outside, I do get a sense of happiness and delight, which would be perfect for striking up lunchtime chatter. So, it begs the question, what is the real reason why we deter from talking to new people in public? Is the feeling of rejection heightened in the light of day? Is it that we simply don’t realize the opportunity? Is it not the social norm, therefore for not recommended?

Over 10 years ago, I was walking with my two girlfriends in a Geelong City street on our way to Eastern Beach when a young man standing with his friend said hello to me as we were walking by. It was a simple, genuine “Hello”, “How are you?” and maybe 20 seconds of a short conversation. Today, we are married and work together to help people achieve love in their life. 

It is not only possible… it is possibly right in front of you.

Samantha K

xx

Back in action!

After my long break from the Crimson Club Blog - I am BACK and ready to rock and roll!!
I have something coming up next Thursday/Friday (29th/30th Nov) to unveil, which will explain my absence.

As I sit here in the cafe, which has become my second office, I realise how differently I see the world and what surrounds me after the past month or so. So much has changed in my life... Personally, Professionally and all around! You could almost say I am looking at the world through rose tinted glasses at the moment, and I am OK with that. After weeks without my Mac (aka. my baby) I am finally back in action and so full of exciting stuff. 

I just wanted to share a quick post and now I must return to re-setting up my Mac with email accounts, software, etc.

LOVE to the world and chat to you very, VERY soon!

Samantha K
xx

A Sneaky Few Tips for Men on Meeting Women...

I often am asked by men advice on how to approach women and what pointers I can give them on achieving an ideal conversation. I have decided to leak a sneaky few numbers from our 10 Top Tips when meeting and talking to women. Sshhh...

1. Have fun. If you’re having fun, the more likely she is to have fun. Be the guy everyone wants to be around – she will work for your attention. If you can make a girl smile, and even more, if you can make a girl laugh – you are successfully ticking the box to one of the three things that women are attracted to in a man. 

2.  Be visible. Women want you to stand out in the crowd and to catch them trying to catch your eye. Walls are built for a purpose and that purpose is to structurally hold the building together. Art is created for a more interesting and admirable purpose, to stand out and be noticed. The choice is yours.

...

4. Take a risk. You reduce your chances of meeting amazing women if you don’t take risks. Being comfortable with rejection and disappointment should only make you stronger. Remember, for every woman who is not interested, the opportunity for those who are, just increased! Convert any negative energy into fuel and let it remind you to continue taking those risks.

...

9. Listen to more than words. If you actually commit and dedicate yourself to listening to what she has to say with a genuine interest, you will find that you can pick up more than words. Language is an imperfect form of communication and body movements can actually be more honest and informative. 

10. You can only be YOU. You are more than enough, in which is just what you should be. To be consistently true to who you are is being congruent with what you want and expect in another. You do yourself great justice in being yourself. Be brave and let go of the past and fight for the present you deserve. A better future is always yours for the taking!

Samantha K