When ‘Men’ think Women are crazy… and ‘Women’ think Men are stupid.

Hello Gender Conceit!

We have all heard the term “Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus.” I truly dislike this saying. We are both from that little planet called Earth and we need to STOP deeming each other aliens. We are pushing each other into the territory of ‘unknown’, yet we say we wish we could understand the opposite sex.

We all feel obligated to defend our gender; it is part of our self-esteem. Gender conceit is each gender thinking it is basically right, while the opposite gender is basically wrong. Best expressed as, "We're right; they're wrong."  Gender conceit often sees an attack on one's gender as equal to an attack on one's self. Although, repeatedly, the one thing that can be said is that all men are not alike and all women are not alike, people resort to gender bashings as a way to make a point.

“Girl Power!”

“Bro Code!”

Etc…

We hear this every day. We have actually become accustomed to it. We have formed teams and can be very loyal to them. Please do not get confused that one is better than the other! Men and women are denying themselves the opportunity to get to know and understand MOTOS (Members of the opposite sex) by perceiving them as the lesser version of their species.

When trust is absent, relationships are characterized by ‘me vs. you’ or ‘us vs. them’. Have you ever heard a friend go through a nasty break-up and use such extreme generalised statements such as:

“I hate men!”

“Women are nuts and only good for one thing!”

“All men are the same so I am staying away from them all”

“It’s women’s fault I want to stay single”

(My compassion is present and I understand the state of mind in a break-up, this is purely example only)

What is needed is for men and women to bridge the differences between them rather than men being "right" or women being "right." We need to understand the opposite sex. If we approach our relationships from a stand-point of always being "right," we lose harmony, while promoting constant competition.

As I sit in this café writing away I happen to hear the women next to me talking about the TV program called “Two and a Half Men”. I actually never thought that women might be offended by this show. However, it got me thinking… that show possesses a very blatant gender specific script. Women are disposable to the highest bidder (Charlie) and women walk over the underdog (Allan). Women are treated like sex objects and that beauty and brains cannot co-exist. I can understand why these women may not like the shows perception of women. However, may I dare to put the shoe on the other foot? The men are made out to be clueless, reliant upon alcohol and status, and have a thick fog of insecurity, no self-worth nor a beaming respect for themselves… being single and unfulfilled against whatever they may say. It is actually a perfect advertisement to my point of gender conceit and the lack of knowledge (and application) of MOTOS.

The game cannot be played without teams; the teams have no purpose without the game. Possess good sportsman ship and keep the game alive!

Samantha K

Dating, Relationships... and the new avenues to love.

Dating and Relationships - Welcome to my world! 

This is what I live for. I live for love. I live for sharing the good and the bad times with my loved ones, friends and even those amazingly lovely people that remind you why it pays to get out there and give others a chance. In the past 12 months, I have met more wonderful and inspiring people than I think I have in most of my life. It is truly astonishing what you discover when you have a shift in your eco-system. When was the last time you stopped... Had a look around... And really took in what this world can offer?


I admit, I have been to a couple of seminars of late, but if you can take in the message of the content, along with finding the secret gems within the audience, it can be a really cool experience. As the majority of the people attending these seminars want to make a difference in their life, or the world, and truly have a purpose in life, it is easy to connect with inspiring figures. It got me thinking... How many people were missing out on this experience?


There are many a people who don't care for self-development and are content with their current situation, and I am not against that at all! But for those people who feel the craving for more in life and desire to fulfill a purpose, I encourage you to get involved, even if it is just for the networking and the people you meet. 


So, what I started to realize is that it is exactly the same in the dating world. Those people who truly put themselves out there, to learn, improve, make mistakes, and go after what they want are the people who are actively successful in relationships, or even friendships alone. I meet amazing people all the time! I connect with people on such a regular basis that I want to share this with those who are looking. I hear people complain all the time that they don't know where to go to meet good men/women, and they generally result to bars and clubs, which they know is not ideal. 


So, I broke it down, bit by bit, and discovered why I could find so many single, available catches so often and my single and looking friends couldn't. It was not because I am married and it's sheer luck that the universe is sending them my way. It was my attitude. It was my desire to learn. It was my openness to meeting new people without judgement or expectations. It was not limiting the scenarios and places I could meet these people. I have met fantastic people everywhere... the train, the supermarket, 50th birthday parties, you name it!


This is why I do what I do. You know all of the amazing people I meet? I keep them close, I keep them so close that I can share them with you. This is where Relationship Rocketscience's dating database began. As a Matchmaker, it is now my job to find and keep all of these wonderful people I meet, and it is the most amazing and fulfilling job I have ever had. As a Relationship Coach, it is my job to make sure you have the skill set to make it a success!

This is also why I have started my events and made them FREE! I know of sooo many seminars and even singles parties that cost you to be a part of. Good! When you pay, you pay attention. But, how do you know you will get your money's worth? You don't... So you don't go. Thats why my events are FREE!


If you connected with this post, and you have that spark inside that you want to light up, you need to come along! This is the first time I am plugging my events and parties in a post, but I am so excited to share this with you and I want to reach all those who want to play!


So... Here are a few deets:

Melbourne event:http://www.relationshiprs.eventbrite.com.au

Sydney event:http://www.relationshiprsyd.eventbrite.com.au

Single & The City Melbourne:http://www.citysingles.eventbrite.com.au


Thank you so much for your support! I hope I get a chance to have fun with all of you at some stage!


Samantha K

http://www.facebook.com/RelationshipRocketscience 
(yay it's up and running)

Rationalization... friend or foe?

Rationalization: An attempt to explain or justify (one's own or another's behavior or attitude) with logical, plausible reasons, even if these are not true or appropriate.


We are all familiar with the term of 'rationalization', we are mostly familiar with it's true meaning... but many of us are almost lost when it comes to using rationalization properly. It goes without saying that rationalization has saved us in many circumstances, even when it becomes an argument within ourselves! It also goes without saying, that being on the other end can be one of the most frustrating things to endure. So, how can we meet in the middle?


It is said that rationalization encourages irrational or unacceptable behavior, and can be an insight to one's motives as this generates from both the conscious and sub-conscious mind. The conscious mind uses this as a defense mechanism to protect itself from mockery and embarrassment. The sub-conscious mind uses this as a shield from evoking any limiting beliefs or guilt in ones self. It can also just be as simple as a result of us not knowing ourselves as well as we think.


I see people attempt to rationalize their actions and even their own personal thoughts, to such an extent that they can cause a feud... from simply over-analyzing themselves. So, what is the real difference between an explanation, an excuse... and a rationalization? Just ask yourself, which one feels better? There may actually be no difference between them. It is more the intention behind it, and the answer lies in how you truly feel afterwards.


When we make a mistake, it is so tempting to take the easy street and blame someone else. This leads to people not properly dealing with a proper solution to their wrong behaviors, which then causes more problems. But, sometimes... without realizing it, we make excuses for our faults, and claim what is not real. A common rationalization I hear is from students, claiming they didn't do well in a test as a result of the teacher not liking them. When in fact, they had not properly prepared or studied for the test. The danger of rationalization, is the sub-conscious mind makes it OK to fail the test for this reason, and the study and hard work necessary gets left behind.


How often do you rationalize yours or another's behavior to maintain social cohesion? How often does it produce a good long-term result?


Samantha K

What we take for granted...

On Sunday we all jumped on the family bandwagon to support Autism in the Walk for Awareness. It was a great day and it was so inspiring to see how many people came out to show their support. It sometimes restores your faith in the power of humanity, which never goes unappreciated.

 I never really understood, in fact, I never knew what Autism was until members of my family were diagnosed. My gorgeous cousins are great kids, with the most supportive, strong and dedicated parents and family. They stop at nothing to ensure their children are given the best chance, the best opportunities in life. They have formed an undying love that breaches the norms of society, and are suitably equipped to look past it and be whole-heartedly grateful for their blessings in life.

This inspired me.

At the same time, I felt a little shameful. Sometimes, it is not until we see the strength in the underdog that we value our own.

When referring to her boys, my Aunty Lisa said to me “They have both taught us many valuable lessons. They have taught us to ignore the ignorant people. They have taught us patience and understanding. They have taught us Autism isn't a curse, it's a lesson in life we have to learn to accept. There is no cure for Autism but me and dad will spend the rest of our life doing what ever we can to support them both .We love our boys.”

If that doesn’t inspire you… read it again.

It makes me appreciate everything I am blessed with in life. It helps me want to continue to be a better person each day. It makes me grateful to have these sorts of people in my life.

I have said it before, and I will say it again. Never underestimate who you might learn from and take the most out of a life changing opportunity that might present itself from the most unlikely source. Don’t discount whom you might learn from, never deny yourself the opportunity.

Samantha K

Learning from the best - Tribute to Ronald Arthur Bridson - Love you Pop

The last week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. The strongest man, whose blood runs through the veins of my entire family and who was indescribably influential to so many many people's life has passed. My Pop, my friend and an inspiring man loved by many, now rests in peace. I take comfort in the thought that God needed him so, and it's likely so as my Pop can keep everyone in line and laughing at the same time. We will all miss him terribly, but cherish the time we had and take refuge that his soul is at peace, waiting for us on the other side.

I have a wonderful family that I love dearly, but as all families, we are not perfect. As of recent years, our once uncommonly close family has drifted apart. My mum is one of six siblings who grew up less fortunate to most, with amazing parents, where the family inevitably stuck together and became very close. As time has passed, we all got lost in the fog of life.

In life, when clarity is not present, more so when clarity is not paramount in a relationship, there is no question that our vision becomes blurred and we get stuck in a thick fog of emotions. This fog is fuelled with regret, anger, sadness, disappointment, stubbornness, hurt... You get the picture. Never productive or enticing emotions. So, it begs the question, why do we enter into this fog voluntarily knowing what hides in the darkness?

My work revolves around bringing clarity to people and implementing it into their lives. Yet, there is evidence of fog in my backyard. I understand the true importance of clarity and how the consequences of non-compliance can tear a string of relationships apart in one hit.

It is often that the smallest thing can lead to the biggest problem. May it be as simple something that bothers us and is so small and tedious that we hold in, that escalates and blows up to a much larger issue than it generated as. For example, a pet peeve of mine is when the dishwashing sponge gets left in the sink wet. It creates bacteria and smells. I ensured that I was clear with my husband that this bothered me and to try to not let this happen. What I did was eliminated any room for error and used prevention rather than repair. If I were to keep quiet, and continue to watch this happen, one day I am bound to blow up and cause an argument over something undeserving. Not to mention the other parties unawareness. They cannot prevent annoying or upsetting you if they are unaware of the situation.

Clarity is paired with communication, just as ying is paired with yang. There is no such thing as being clear, without it being communicated. And not just any form of communication. An authentic, diplomatic and considerate communication is the preferred method. Why do we shy away from explaining to the people upsetting us that they are, knowing they may be unaware of it? ... And we are more than eager to discuss it with a third party who possesses no control or influence? One may believe it is because we shy away from confrontational situations. It only becomes an undesirable confrontation should you allow it. If the intention is in the right place, and the delivery is considerate, you actually have an extremely high chance of hitting two birds with one stone. Those being; avoiding future conflict, as well as gaining a newfound respect from the third party. Should the issue ever rise again, you have solid ground to dispute, as you have done the right thing and attempted to address the subject in early stages. Which side of the fence do you want to sit on?

The recent passing of my dearly beloved Pop has distinguished some of the tension and undesired discomfort within my family. It is unfortunate it happened in the way it did, but nether the less, we are all grateful that it has happened... Especially for the angel whom remains to keep us all together, my Nan. I admire her courage, and a clarity she possesses that I had never seen in full swing until late. My darling Nan dared to point out the elephant in the room, she dared to be clear, she dared to put us all on the spot and bring to light the situation that brought us all together, even for a moment. My hat goes off to her, and even remembering her crackly voice speaking up in the room full of her children and grandchildren which she dearly loves, makes my stomach feel light and a strain on my eyes. I had never been so proud, and at the same time, never wanted to do the right thing so much before in my life. If I am anything like my Nan, I hold a fire inside that I am forever grateful of. I aspire to be like her, I aspire to help others to be like her. Never underestimate who you might learn from and take the most out of a life changing opportunity that might present itself from the most unlikely source. I love you Nan, I pray that I am smart enough to continue to learn from you.

I hear so often that "life is too short". I hear so often that "time spent on a grudge, is a time spent wasted". Why is it that we take value from these sorts of affirmations, but are not as able to inject that same value into our life?

From every mistake made, is an opportunity to learn. From every lesson learnt, is an opportunity to do the right thing. From every right thing, is an opportunity to grow with yourself and others. Don't let the world leave you behind, cease the opportunity that is provided to us too often and relish in Gods gift of freedom. I will forever remember my Pop in my own special way. I will forever remember my pop with a smile on my face, a light in my heart, and with the great memories of how he helped form who I am today. What do you want to be remembered for?

Samantha K

Defence Mechanisms: Are you aware of yours?

We all have our own defence mechanisms - some have more than others. We take comfort in the security of these mechanisms as they are there to protect us. It is unfortunate that they are also what stands in the way of love and real closeness between two people.


The fear of something not working out as well as one may have planned, is enough ammunition for a defence mechanism to kick in and avoid going for what one wants so as to suppress the emotions of getting hurt. You deny the opportunity to prove yourself right to the simple fact that you deserve it, rather you prove yourself wrong in having faith in yourself to try and succeed.


It is not uncommon to hear the whispers of peoples defence mechanisms in full swing without knowing it. For example, have you ever heard something like this "It is better to dump, before being dumped" We don't need to know the story, but we can begin to imagine that this mechanism has formed from being hurt in a previous relationship.


It is the same when people do not have the courage to approach someone they find attractive for fear of being turned down. They rather talk to the people who approach them. Do you see how these types of behaviours can stand in your way, and prevent you from experience, learning and even love?


We are all human, and this is not something you can just wake up one day and simply know a solution to. But being aware of yourself and your behaviours is the first step to conquering your fears and moving towards your ultimate fulfillment. You will also be better equipped to cope when life throws you a curve ball, or as we say "get dumped".


For a relationship to work, you have to not only be yourself, but you have to show who you truly are. The better you know this, the better you will be able to share this.


You need to dare to trust. If you are honest, you increase your chances that the one you meet will be too!


Samantha K

WHY!

Often people ask me: "Why do you do what you do? What made you decide to become a Matchmaker and a relationship coach?


Here is a quick video why... :)

I hope you enjoy and would LOVE your feedback! :)


Samantha K