A lack of confidence
and low self-esteem is something that more people have than we could probably
begin to imagine. Even the most externally confident, and sometimes even
seemingly arrogant people, can be dealing with confidence and esteem issues. It
all arises from self-image and how we perceive ourselves, in either one or two
ways:
- - Not
valuing one’s self and having a low self-worth and/or
- - Focusing
more attention and applying a higher significance to the aspects of one’s self
in which one is unhappy with.
I have said
it before and I will say it again; You can’t truly love another until you truly
love yourself! As clichéd as it sounds, it is so definitely true. We will all
at some stage doubt ourselves in some aspect in our life, sucking our belly in,
hiding our flaws and shortcomings, eluding that we know more than we do, exaggerating
the truth to impress someone… But how important is it to have that basic
acceptance of ourselves? If you were to step outside your body and look in from
the outside, in the scheme of things, do those little extra things we want in
which we do not have place such significance?
It is very
difficult to get closer to another person if the real you is masked. You deny
them the opportunity to fall in love with your true colours and see what is
amazing inside, even though you might not agree with its measure. It is all
about liking yourself profoundly – not just because of something you say or do.
The goal must be for you to like yourself even without that flash car or an important
title, or that you have not yet found that perfect person for you.
You need to
relate to your reality in a way that makes you feel as good as possible. If you
think that your weight is a problem, it will become a problem… and most likely those
around you will perceive it as a problem. But if you don’t worry about those
extra few kilos and feel beautiful anyway, or do something about it and get rid
of what you feel is holding you back, you will feel better! It is the same
reality, just two completely different perspectives and thus two levels of
happiness.
The
spotlight should always be on the very best you. You will become what you want
to be.
Individuals
with low self-esteem will generally follow these behaviours:
- - Not
paying sufficient attention to one’s own needs and wants;
- - Saying
“yes” to requests from others which you do not really want to meet or do not
have time to meet;
- - Find
it difficult to communicate effectively in relationships;
- - Feel
bad about one’s self and guilt if something promised was not achieved, or acted
in a way which you feel you should not have acted.
When it is
written out in example form, it is much easier to relate to. If any of those
behaviours felt familiar, it is time to own it and change it! So… how?
Here are a
couple of tips from our Relationship Rocketscience toolbox to help improve low self-esteem
and confidence:
- - Give
yourself credit when you achieve something that you set out to achieve. It is
really important not to be too hard on yourself. Taking pride in your
accomplishments is really important. For example, I was very humble about my Bachelor’s
Degree and didn’t think it was anything overly special (as I was comparing
myself to others). Until I realised… I had put enormous effort, countless hours
of study, tens of thousands of dollars, etc! Why should I be bashful of that!?
I shouldn’t, so I became proud and owned it; as should you! I guarantee that you
have many positive aspects of yourself and of what you do that you take for
granted and don’t give yourself credit for.
- - Avoid
comparing yourself to others. Yes, use the basis of comparison as a benchmark
to achieve targets, to use as motivation, ONLY! No one is perfect! And if you
were, you would probably be very boring.
If you truly
believe in yourself, so will others. Deeply ingrained confidence and self-worth
will make like more enjoyable, exciting, satisfying and open it up finding true
love.
Samantha K
xo
