Flirting beyond gestures

Generally, when we think of flirting, we think of seduction in the eyes. We think of witty banter and suggestive conversation. We think of that touchy feely excitement where the nerve receptors in our body feel and crave every little touch.

Flirting without words can sometimes be the most thrilling. I love the concept of having sex through the eyes. This can either make you uncomfortable or very excited. It really depends on how comfortable that person is with their sexuality. 

If you are single, this can be an extremely powerful tool to have in your back pocket and to pull out when someone catches your eye and looks keen to play along. But there are a few things you need to have before you can build this skill, a few necessary key ingredients that will help you excel.

The way you dress. This says a great deal about you, your personality and your comfort in your sexuality. For a female, the most important thing when it come to dress code is to give off a feminine energy. It is like a drug to men and they pick up the scent quicker than you give them credit for. To a man, a confident female with a delicate female energy tickles his imagination of a confident woman in bed who carries through that feminine energy and will ruthlessly drop the lady-like approach and unleash her womanly desires upon him. To uphold her appearance translates to a man, commitment and respect to herself, as well as a pride and confidence in herself. Studies show, that men are only physically stimulated by women who flash a bit of skin and wear their sexuality on the sleeve. However, men are stimulated on a higher level when physically and mentally stimulated by leaving more to the imagination and playing the game of flirting makes it more interesting for them. 

For a male, the most important element to your dress code is to be clean. Clean, crisp and oozing masculinity. Every women wants a man to take control (why do you think all the erotic novels are such a big hit?), so you need to dress the part. Take tips from what works. You don’t have to look like George Clooney or Brad Pitt... just implement the common denominator - Dream Guy Class!

The way you speak. Manners, allocution and etiquette can unfortunately be far and in between, hence the obvious impact of impressing the opposite sex. Nothing is as refreshing as a well-mannered individual that looks at you in the eye when introducing themselves or celebrating a “cheers” of beverages, knowing how to hold a conversation and understands the respect of the 21st Century values in social dynamics. There is no need to be the 1950’s casanova who stands every time a woman does and waiting to push in her chair when it is obvious there is no need. As with everything, judgement and moderation is crucial. One exercise I like to do with my clients is when having conversations, especially if they are a corporate function, or meeting the parents where the pressure to impress may be a little higher, imagine there is a baby or children in the room and speak accordingly. It is amazing how we become better people in the presents of children and we how alert we are to speak delicately and in a positive fashion. 

Samantha K

xx

50 Shades of Grey - The painted colour of unfulfilled relationships.

Last night I had the absolute privilege of attending The Presidents Dinner at Etihad Stadium, and it was so amazing to be surrounded by wonderful people who were very successful. The engagement in conversation, the appreciation of the beauty of life, the support and genuine interest in my field of work... everything about why they were there was intoxicating and inspiring.

Amongst these wonderful people I felt very comfortable. So comfortable in fact, we stumbled across conversation topics I wouldn’t imagine having in that environment. The 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon... as you do! I don’t know if it is the fact that I tend to hang around a lot of males, or if it is the fact that I am very comfortable talking about sex... or the fact that love, relationships and sex are a part of my everyday life in my business - but a great deal of my conversations tend to end up talking about that very topic... SEX!

So, 50 Shades of Grey? I have heard it be described as ‘Porn for Women in Words’ and the women are proud of it! I took advantage of my new home in the heart of Melbourne and took a journey with Metro to see how many women I could see reading the book. Man, this thing is everywhere. Every single woman who is reading this, owns it, or simply carries it around with them has it posted on Facebook, Twitter (all social media for that matter) and makes sure they are seen to be reading it. I use the term ‘every single woman’ as very much a play on words.

How many single women are reading this book? Turns out, it is a very small percentage. How many coupled/married women are reading this book? Turns out, a hell of a lot. 

I have had a number of people ask me if I have read it, and when I explain that I have not... I get a really curious “Why?”

My question is “Why?” are you reading it? I actually had a friend tell me the other day that one of his female friends has the whole series, but has not read any as of yet. For obvious reasons, he proceeded to ask “Why?” Only to receive a response which opened my eyes to what was actually going on - “I will wait until I am in a relationship to read it”

Now - make sense of that.

So, I went one further. I asked women who were seemingly in very fulfilled relationships if they had read the book, or had any interest in reading the book. Finally! A breakthrough - not only had they not read it, but they had absolutely no interest in reading it.

Has 50 Shades of Grey become the new colour of unfulfilled relationships? I know that this is a massive generalization - but the concept is amazing me!

Interestingly, men are fighting back! In a way which I find super logical and true to the male form, in which I adore. How is it OK for women to be galavanting around with a public display of porn (pretty much), yet men are criticized for ‘watching’ porn? The same thing, yet in a different form? Men are stimulated by visual, when women are very much stimulated by storyline and words. Is it OK because everyone else is doing it and the sheer volume of women who have jumped on board the bandwagon has made it socially acceptable? Is there any women out there that are shy or bashful to read about hardcore sex, bondage and S&M in public? Is it because it is a private and internal experience? 

I love when I see a woman reading it with a smirk on her face. Even for a female, I wonder... what is she thinking? What is being stimulated behind that smirk? Who is she imagining whilst reading? What does she do with that sexual excitement the book has provided her? Could it be possible that this has improved her sex life with her partner? Could it be possible that her expectations have changed in sex with her partner? Has the thought of having an exciting affair crossed her mind in a stern fashion? and... here come the questions. What is the underlying effect this book is having on these women?

Women do a wonderful job at keeping their true sexual thoughts and desires behind closed doors - which is a great thing for their male partner. But, is this taking it to a new level? Are we going to see a new baby boom? We can call it the 50 Shades of Grey Baby Boom!

Samantha K

xx

Flirtationships

The most intense relationships can result from flirtationships. The art of flirting has become a skill necessary in order to meet new people and form new exciting relationships. In the 21st Century, we are more reliant upon technology and have become less confrontational and confident. I hear too often people's struggles to meet people. Where do you go to meet someone? How do you get dates with the people you are interested in? It all comes down to the ability to flirt!

Once you are confident and truly understand the mechanics of flirting, you will find yourself meeting all sorts of people in all sorts of places. You will find yourself locking in dates with people who are you interested in. Once down pat, the flood gates open. 

The trick with flirting is balance and comfortability. There is a fine line between sleazy and flirty. There is a fine line between desperate and available. It all stems from the intent behind the flirt and the true desires. If you are desperate for a relationship, no matter what front you put on - it will be evident that you are desperate.

Friendships can often step into Flirtationship territory, which is generally where it becomes tricky. We hear the terms 'friends with benefits', 'F#&k buddies', 'booty calls', etc. but do they ever convert into a respectful, fulfilling relationship? Sexual tension within a friendship, with or without a sexual relationship, can be intoxicating and extremely exciting. Bearing in mind, this is ok as long as you are both single - otherwise this act can be constituted as emotionally cheating. The duration of the Flirtationship is fun and exciting, and consists of sexual suggestions verbally, written and via body language.

The office is another avenue for Flirtationships and can be one of the more complex relationships. To evolve such a relationship with someone whom you spend a great deal of time with, generally in small spaces and get the privilege of seeing regularly with the mix of a professional obligation can be a recipe for disaster OR a perfect spark for a fresh relationship. These types of relationships are a separate topic alone and is one that has caused much controversy. 

So have fun flirting... You are not hurting anybody. It encourages a sense of comfort in your sexuality which is desirable for the opposite sex.  

Samantha K

xox

The effects of negative energy

Yesterday started out to be a seemingly normal  day for me. Until it hit the afternoon, and I got a reality check of how amazing my normal morning really was. I sat with my husband on the couch last night feeling quite drained and a little disappointed in myself, but couldn't entirely put my finger on what was going on... Until he pointed it out for me. The effects of negative energy.  

In contrast to my morning of seeing my bright eyed husband bounce out the door with a smile on his face and having an early lunch with a friend I adore, my afternoon was a stretch of encounters with negative and unlikely people (besides a few new introductions along the way which were my savior through the afternoon). It was then I realized what a great job I have done with catering my eco-system to its desired state. It is extremely difficult to cut toxic people out of your life, I know, but I am so pleased to say that I have conquered it and now have the most amazing surroundings and support of positive, passionate, driven and ambitious people. It was a reality check, that wasn't fun, but am glad to have encountered it. 

Throughout the day, I interacted with 5 stuck in the mud, negative and unhappy people. I also had interacted with a larger number of wonderful people within my eco-system whom I cherish. But, those 5 people threw out my flow. Those 5 people affected my energy. Those 5 people are lucky to have had the chance yesterday, but will not have the chance again. How many toxic people does it take to take on the toxin? For me, I felt it with 5. Who many toxic people are influencing your life and happiness?

In life, and building relationships, the very first and foremost thing you must remember and posses in respect! Have respect for others, and have respect for yourself. But... It must be earned before demanded both ways. 

Low Confidence & Self-Esteem - Kick it's Butt!

A lack of confidence and low self-esteem is something that more people have than we could probably begin to imagine. Even the most externally confident, and sometimes even seemingly arrogant people, can be dealing with confidence and esteem issues. It all arises from self-image and how we perceive ourselves, in either one or two ways:

-         -  Not valuing one’s self and having a low self-worth and/or

-        -   Focusing more attention and applying a higher significance to the aspects of one’s self in which one is unhappy with.

I have said it before and I will say it again; You can’t truly love another until you truly love yourself! As clichéd as it sounds, it is so definitely true. We will all at some stage doubt ourselves in some aspect in our life, sucking our belly in, hiding our flaws and shortcomings, eluding that we know more than we do, exaggerating the truth to impress someone… But how important is it to have that basic acceptance of ourselves? If you were to step outside your body and look in from the outside, in the scheme of things, do those little extra things we want in which we do not have place such significance?

It is very difficult to get closer to another person if the real you is masked. You deny them the opportunity to fall in love with your true colours and see what is amazing inside, even though you might not agree with its measure. It is all about liking yourself profoundly – not just because of something you say or do. The goal must be for you to like yourself even without that flash car or an important title, or that you have not yet found that perfect person for you.

You need to relate to your reality in a way that makes you feel as good as possible. If you think that your weight is a problem, it will become a problem… and most likely those around you will perceive it as a problem. But if you don’t worry about those extra few kilos and feel beautiful anyway, or do something about it and get rid of what you feel is holding you back, you will feel better! It is the same reality, just two completely different perspectives and thus two levels of happiness.

The spotlight should always be on the very best you. You will become what you want to be.

Individuals with low self-esteem will generally follow these behaviours:

-          - Not paying sufficient attention to one’s own needs and wants;

-         -  Saying “yes” to requests from others which you do not really want to meet or do not have time to meet;

-         -  Find it difficult to communicate effectively in relationships;

-        -   Feel bad about one’s self and guilt if something promised was not achieved, or acted in a way which you feel you should not have acted.

When it is written out in example form, it is much easier to relate to. If any of those behaviours felt familiar, it is time to own it and change it! So… how?

Here are a couple of tips from our Relationship Rocketscience toolbox to help improve low self-esteem and confidence:

-       -    Give yourself credit when you achieve something that you set out to achieve. It is really important not to be too hard on yourself. Taking pride in your accomplishments is really important. For example, I was very humble about my Bachelor’s Degree and didn’t think it was anything overly special (as I was comparing myself to others). Until I realised… I had put enormous effort, countless hours of study, tens of thousands of dollars, etc! Why should I be bashful of that!? I shouldn’t, so I became proud and owned it; as should you! I guarantee that you have many positive aspects of yourself and of what you do that you take for granted and don’t give yourself credit for.

-         -  Avoid comparing yourself to others. Yes, use the basis of comparison as a benchmark to achieve targets, to use as motivation, ONLY! No one is perfect! And if you were, you would probably be very boring.

If you truly believe in yourself, so will others. Deeply ingrained confidence and self-worth will make like more enjoyable, exciting, satisfying and open it up finding true love.

Samantha K

xo

Challenge!

The word challenge lights such a competitive nerve in my body and builds a sense of drive for accomplishment. Upon looking up the definition of the word “Challenge” I received this: “A call to take part in a contest or competition”… and I didn’t really like it. As much as I admit that my competitive streak is apparent at the thought of the word, I did not believe it to completely sum up my interpretation. When you think of the word challenge; what comes to mind? Is it test, trial, task, contest, encounter, experiment, dare, defy? They are but the synonyms of the word.

As of late, I have found myself converting undesirable experiences into challenges. It continually reassures a new prospective on life’s challenges and awakens my drive to succeed. But, who am I competing against? To whom am I in a contest opposing? Life… Myself… The World?

I couldn’t help but wonder as to how much the reward of a challenge affects our participation? We all strive to achieve! However, does owning the right to proclaim success surpass the benefits of learning from our failures? I have found myself wanting to succeed, but nervous at the thought of succeeding prematurely as this may cause me to miss the learning’s from failing. How bizzare! I have the desire to fail now, to not only save myself from it in the future, but the get to my desired future quicker.

I know a very cool man, Trav (with a stella mohawk!) who is known as “The Bucket List Guy”. It is a fantastic concept and something I support whole-heartedly. He challenges you to the fullest! He challenges you to do the things you want to do and how to get to your ultimate peak in life. Now that encompasses a challenge. He becomes almost like your opponent – so you get results. It’s great that when you have someone there to push and encourage you to win. It’s even better when you give your word to someone else, how that forces you to get up and do it!

I began to wonder how much this drive has to do with the “why”. Why have my newly, almost unnerving, situations been so elegantly converted into challenges? Where has this drive and determination come from to welcome failure, only to benefit? It was only upon thinking about what Trav does, that I realised… it was my eco-system. It is the people I have chosen to surround myself with. It is definitely also my husband, Emir!

I ask you to take a second… look around at your eco-system… who do you see? Are you similar?

Are you prepared to fail? What undesired circumstances can you turn into challenges?

I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk. – Tony Robbins.

Samantha K

p.s I walked around the block with Emir today… My body is making progress. Challenge accomplished!

Rich, Wealth & Reality.

It has been long since I have written on my blog and for that I am sad. This blog has been such a wonderful outlet and I have definitely missed its presence. The last 3 months for me has been an absolute whirlwind, where I feel as though I have been tested in life to a great extent. In the past three months I have lost both my Pop and Grandad, and in the midst of selling my house became violently ill which resulted in an operation in my stomach. I sit here now on the couch after a stressful day of the Real Estates Open House, wrapped in bandages and feeling like an old lady, reflecting on the past few weeks. Having your own business and hitting such bumps in the road has proven to be more difficult than anticipated, yet definitely character building. It got me thinking about how lucky I am. Yes, it may seem strange to feel lucky at this point in time, but in the midst of difficulty… the ability to see the light is indescribably inspirational.

I am so rich! What does it mean to be rich? No matter how much I am grateful for what I have, I tend to find something that I am still taking for granted. Like my brother-in-law Mirza said to me the other week: “Don’t worry… It’s on me. Let’s have lots of fun and make the most of our time. I will not be taking this money with me when I go.”

When we begin our life we wish to be rich! We wish to be wealthy in money to do anything our hearts desire. When we are in our final stage of life we also wish to be rich. However, we wish to be rich in health, time, family and love.

I am so rich in love. Each day, I think I cannot love my husband Emir any more than I do in that moment… yet, each day continues to enlighten me. He is representing us this weekend in Sydney (to both our dismay) and the feeling of something missing is undeniable! Family and friends become a life source and it is beyond appreciated… I especially love those who elegantly surprise you.

The people who like you share with you the light… but the people who love you keep by your side through the dark.

I am so rich in health. At the moment I am not bouncing off the walls, but appreciate my health more than ever. No matter how much you believe, praise or teach that you do not know something’s true value until it is gone, is never as strong until it is apparent in your life.

I am so rich in life. The gift of life is our greatest gift from God. He gave us the gift of freedom to do with it as we wish. I choose to live life to its fullest.

I do not wish to use this post to preach. I do not wish to use this post to self-indulge. I wish to use this post to recognise the beauty of life and to appreciate each moment.

So… never lie, cheat, steal or drink.

If you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love.If you must cheat, cheat death.If you must steal, steal away from bad company.If you must drink, drink to the moments who take your breath away.

Please, go give your loved ones a kiss. Please, remember happiness is the key to life.

Please, thank God for what you have and do right by him to make the most of his gift to you.

Samantha K

p.s. I am back!