Low Confidence & Self-Esteem - Kick it's Butt!

A lack of confidence and low self-esteem is something that more people have than we could probably begin to imagine. Even the most externally confident, and sometimes even seemingly arrogant people, can be dealing with confidence and esteem issues. It all arises from self-image and how we perceive ourselves, in either one or two ways:

-         -  Not valuing one’s self and having a low self-worth and/or

-        -   Focusing more attention and applying a higher significance to the aspects of one’s self in which one is unhappy with.

I have said it before and I will say it again; You can’t truly love another until you truly love yourself! As clichéd as it sounds, it is so definitely true. We will all at some stage doubt ourselves in some aspect in our life, sucking our belly in, hiding our flaws and shortcomings, eluding that we know more than we do, exaggerating the truth to impress someone… But how important is it to have that basic acceptance of ourselves? If you were to step outside your body and look in from the outside, in the scheme of things, do those little extra things we want in which we do not have place such significance?

It is very difficult to get closer to another person if the real you is masked. You deny them the opportunity to fall in love with your true colours and see what is amazing inside, even though you might not agree with its measure. It is all about liking yourself profoundly – not just because of something you say or do. The goal must be for you to like yourself even without that flash car or an important title, or that you have not yet found that perfect person for you.

You need to relate to your reality in a way that makes you feel as good as possible. If you think that your weight is a problem, it will become a problem… and most likely those around you will perceive it as a problem. But if you don’t worry about those extra few kilos and feel beautiful anyway, or do something about it and get rid of what you feel is holding you back, you will feel better! It is the same reality, just two completely different perspectives and thus two levels of happiness.

The spotlight should always be on the very best you. You will become what you want to be.

Individuals with low self-esteem will generally follow these behaviours:

-          - Not paying sufficient attention to one’s own needs and wants;

-         -  Saying “yes” to requests from others which you do not really want to meet or do not have time to meet;

-         -  Find it difficult to communicate effectively in relationships;

-        -   Feel bad about one’s self and guilt if something promised was not achieved, or acted in a way which you feel you should not have acted.

When it is written out in example form, it is much easier to relate to. If any of those behaviours felt familiar, it is time to own it and change it! So… how?

Here are a couple of tips from our Relationship Rocketscience toolbox to help improve low self-esteem and confidence:

-       -    Give yourself credit when you achieve something that you set out to achieve. It is really important not to be too hard on yourself. Taking pride in your accomplishments is really important. For example, I was very humble about my Bachelor’s Degree and didn’t think it was anything overly special (as I was comparing myself to others). Until I realised… I had put enormous effort, countless hours of study, tens of thousands of dollars, etc! Why should I be bashful of that!? I shouldn’t, so I became proud and owned it; as should you! I guarantee that you have many positive aspects of yourself and of what you do that you take for granted and don’t give yourself credit for.

-         -  Avoid comparing yourself to others. Yes, use the basis of comparison as a benchmark to achieve targets, to use as motivation, ONLY! No one is perfect! And if you were, you would probably be very boring.

If you truly believe in yourself, so will others. Deeply ingrained confidence and self-worth will make like more enjoyable, exciting, satisfying and open it up finding true love.

Samantha K

xo