Is it better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission?

In the past 3 weeks this saying has been popping up everywhere, and it has started to get under my skin. Who came up with this nonsense of an expression? I am obviously looking at it in context to relationships and am puzzled how this type of behavior could become accepted to such an extent that it is being made somewhat of a joke, which of course takes away the seriousness of it and we see it slowly become socially acceptable.

Now, I must admit that the times I have heard it of late have been in regards to material items and scenarios that are not quite as severe as some. But what sort of example are we setting when it comes to how we want to be treated? Are we setting an acceptable behavior for this to filter into other aspects of our lives? Being that it is has become somewhat socially acceptable, what would deter one from testing the waters in other ponds and assuming it is but the same thing?

I find that it compares to the saying “What they don’t know won’t hurt them”. This saying spread like wildfire and as much as we like to think that it hasn’t become socially accepted, it has to a great deal. Even just the simplicity of our subconscious mind being aware of the excuse is in a lot of cases enough for it to play part in one’s decision making.

So, is it better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission? Are we educating the people in our lives that apologies go a long way in the aim of maintaining social cohesion? What constitutes a genuine apology?

My interpretation of an apology is that of when someone is sorry for something they did unintentionally… in that the result of their actions did not have purpose of negatively affecting that person. When you purposefully act in a way that hurts or upsets another, is the apology valid? What are they actually sorry for? Are they sorry for their decision to go ahead and act unlawfully, or for the act itself?

So, it begs the question - “where do we draw the line?”

If for example, you use this saying for purposely buying a different flavor chips at the supermarket than your partner requested – you may be presented with a small tiff and eventually be able to laugh it off. But, what message does it send? The lines become more and more blurry…

In life we educate people on how we want to be treated. What is acceptable behavior and what is not. How we want to be respected, how we want to be loved, how we want to be heard… are we un-educating people by playing along with a such a saying, even if it is a laugh off the cuff?

Samantha K

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